hmmm it is 736am and tuesday....this
week has been nothing but stumbling downhill with recovery...I can't seem to
find my footing so I just tumble and roll some more... The ground terrain is
rough and I'm getting awful sore and tired not to mention dizzy...
so I guess u can tell things are not
going good. I can't seem to get a hold of the b/p it just keeps getting worse.
I think I'm going to email my meds dr and ask her for a higher dose of my
Prozac. When I take it - it does help a little but not as much as I think it
should after the webinar last week and he said usually it takes the 60mg to
help with b/p I think that's what she needs to put me on - I'm on 40 now.
Idk...it worked really well at first but now not so much however when I don't
take it - the kitchen is def NOT a safe place!
I took all meds yesterday and got the
b/p to 3x that's the best in days. I know I was taking my meds this weekend but
they didn't do anything for me and everything set me on a binging and purging
rampage. To be honest I don't remember much of this past weekend or for that
matter most of the past 2.5weeks. These lapses scare me. These are when I find
I've done things and don't even remember - it is very scary.
yesterday I spent the day creating my
online portfolio and resume and then applying for jobs posted on craigslist. I
hope something comes through but the problem is they can't call me right now so
that may be a deterrent. I found many pt and ft positions and the start pay was
good. I will be happy for now with something pt just to add some structure and
give me a little extra $. The problem will be if the position is in an office I
have no nice office attire. Guess that means I'll have to go shopping for
clothes and honestly my mental state can't handle that right now. I really hope
I get one of the out of house nanny positions for now with the simple pt hours
and decent pay rate. I miss working with kids and that will still give me the
ability to be home for my own kids and do my online classes. I guess we will
see what happens...
I got an email from the military.com
and I guess the GI bill is now allowing a stipend to active duty and their
family members using the go bill for online education. I have to find out how
to get mine seeing as that's how we have been paying for my MA courses. It will
be nice because it is $650 a month that's almost like me working pt as is so
that will help immensely!
as for emotional this past few days i
have been so lonely but I've been mostly numb. I wanted to just be held, be
close but I didn't say anything as hubby just wanted to play his online game.
As much as they have been over working him he needed the mental break so I
think I went autopilot and dissociated and just spent the weekend numbing
myself through b/p. Like I said above that is all I vaguely remember from this
past few days.
today will be my 2nd day of b/p 3x or
less...since 1x already I am going for nothing else but tea and after for the
rest of the day. I have more jobs to apply to and then I need a nap cuz I did
not sleep last night but also have ANAD tonight...
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