a very early start...

Sept 30,2011

yikes ok so it is only 630am!
Thats ok i feel ok right now seeing as i was finally able to pay the phone bill and now my phone works again - yay! my husband was also very happy! the other good thing is that the account only had a neg balance of $200 after the fraud charges were removed and all the fees they resulted in - way better than almost $1000! that relly lowered my stress now too...
so i am taking the boys to the bus this am - first time ive been able too then im heading out to richmond... going to get my iron at whole foods and i need some other stuff too... also going to go grocery shopping today and i have therapy...
im feeling triggered and like i need to bp but i am trying to fight it... and since i am less stressed i hope it will help with my fight... i am keeping my prayers up for a really good friend... she is also ana and having a really hard time, they are deciding today when she gets another peg feeding tube... im so sad she is having such a hard time - im glad she knows though and is getting help... i hope i dont fall that far - i dont think my family would stick around to be honest...
my husband already made comment when i asked him to look at my back because i felt something that was itching... he said "all i see is every rib in your body and skin covering it" it made me feel horrible but also happy - i want to see my bones then i know im not obese... too bad i cant see them though only he does... and if i eat i really see fat bloated rolls and i hate it - i despise it... i then feel like i need the pain so i end up doing things which punsish me...
i woke this am at 3 am with a horrible leg cramp... havent had those in a while so either it was from all the walking yesterday or from all the bp - i guess it could be a combination of the 2...
well need to get these munchkins ready... ill post more to this later...