can i just start over?

today has not gone as planned - at all! so i had made my food log and i printed it out and was really planning to do the ABC today... well i got up triggered to no end and it did not work out! i have bp a few times today but no where like it has been lately so i guess at least that is a plus - idk yet...weight didnt budge but at least not up right? i have made the dieters tea - instead of lax think i will drink that tonight... i had a paper due in class yesterday i am so confused though i just cant seem to focus to get it done... it as to be in today if i dont i will never pass this class... not an option... this means so much to me - i really wanna be a therapist and work with those who have ed's - if they want help i know i would be good at it... just a matter of getting me to that point as well...
how i feel inside today? i am feeling really down and depressed... i do not cry but i have been feeling like i need to cry i need to just pour out and nothing happens... maybe my eyes will get wet and i have the achey feeling like i need to cry then i harden up and it goes away... im not sure what causes it - maybe i just cant be weak enough to cry...although crying in reality is what makes one stronger... ugh idk - i hope so much i can get ahold of this and really make this work... i am so tired of hoping and trying and epically failing...