redo the do over!

ok so the challnge has NOT been going so well... i hate being a failure and a liar... especially lieing to all my friends and then lieing to myself just makes it feel even worse...i keep letting everyone down to include me and it just feels like i am sinking into this hole and will never get out...
i guess this is really hard for a few reasons... i feel like all i ever do is make blind promises so why write it? i also have a really hard time writing what i eat down in my journal because it would be really embarrassing and disgusting if you had to read what i eat in one day... granted i may purge several times but it sometimes amounts to several thousand calories consumed in a day i am certain...here is an example of a binge...
i made 10 eggs with cheese and fat free sour cream for a binge... i ate some with some unsweetened almond milk and purged between each cup it was a total of 4 purges to finish the omlet - how disgusting and embarrassing is that?
So i am trying something new... i keep trying new things something has to help right? i mean something has to make things get better! so i have done ABC before but im going to try it again... last yr i did it and the first 3 days i lost 7lbs... i managed to do it for 13 days and was b/p free that 13 days as well...so maybe this is what i need to do?
day one is 500 cals... i am going to not try to reach that 500 cals though - i feel like that is too many... so i am going to aim for about 320 tomorrow or so - maybe a little more we will see how i feel with it... i know i can do a protein shake = 55 cals and add the chia seed powder which is 25cals... s thats 80 cals for one so if i have 4 thats 320 cals... i think i may add an apple to that later which would be 400 but i am not sure i want to add any... i also want to do the gymn and the elliptical in there to counter it... i am not sure if it will work but i am so desperate!