lost the 3rd round...break time fight some more tomorrow...

649 pm nov 19, 2011
MOOD: disgusted, fat, bloated, gross, want to cut.

i am really disgusted with myself and my falling to my ass again... mia won a 3rd round and im exhausted... i really need some sleep so very bad and purging just makes me so much more exhausted...
i want to cut so very very badly... i have the time and opportnity too since hubby is working 24hrs... i need to fight myself though - i just can have anything happen that could land my ass into the hospital faster than i am already seeming to get there... i dont want to be in the hospital but im not sure of my chances of staying out either...

my boys r having another friend sleep over tonight and im going to try and stay up to watch a movie - if i dont then it comes on again dec 3,4 and 5 all morning times which is way bettr for me...

so this am i took my meds like i said - they were late though and the day ended up not only being long but also a triggerful day and i was trying to figure out why  felt so much "weaker" in my rounds with mia when i realized i had not taken all of my meds... my effexor was filled yesterday but it is downstairs - i had forgotten to take it... tomorrow i will be sure to not forget... i will finish the latch hook tomorrow as i didnt have the focus today... also i will begin another blanket athat usually keeps me warm... hubby will probably be sleeping for most the day so i may just stay in the bed with him and try to catch some extra sleep myslef... idk yet...

well im going for now... gonna try to catchsom zzzz's before the movie tonight...