halloween bust...

1045am 01 Nov, 2011 MOOD: depressed, stressed, anxious, procrastinating

so let me see - halloween was not the best for me... i started off by having to take my middle son to the ortho specialist for a tumor on his left lower thigh... the specialist looked at his xrays from Aug and ones from even longer back than that and then came and checked his thigh... apparently the tumor has gotten way larger even since Aug so they have to remove it... he is doing the surgery next friday the 11th and then they are sending to biopsy... the specialist said most likely it should not be cancerous but because it keeps growing he is not sure... it started as a what looked like a gliche in an axray 4 yrs ago but was on his growth plate so they couldnt do anything... now look what has happened... so he is saying this and my son 14, is sitting there and suddenly gets very serious... we head out and we get into the van and he tells when i ask that he is very scared... the rest of the day - he released this fear through anxiety and total assinism - meaning he was totally being an ass... he got grounded at the end of the night when dad and i just said ok thats enough... we had talked to him, recognized his fears and quwelled them as best we could. now all we could do was be patient and wait for friday... i still expected him to be upset - i still am, but i also expect for him to behave - he knows how to vent appropriately... (like mother like son????)
anyway, then comes the ToT... we decided finally just to stick to our neighborhood and we got all dressed up... i was very frustrated when i finally found my 'lost' costume, a girls size XL = 16, and it was too big! i was supposed to be a queen vampire - well the costume made me look like i had a head and there was a straight shape down.... i found  belt to one of my old gowns that was red and black - perfect match and my husband tied it on me - much better now it gave me a waistline... maybe ill send the pic here later - im not sure yet...
my boys had to make their costume or use items they already had if they wanted a costume - i refused to buy any this year... my middle made a custume of a like half dead half live person? a character from his ps3 game assassins creed brotherhood... my youngest had an ACU (army camoflauged uniform) from last year that still fit so he wore that and his dad gave him his vest to wear which holds like the ammo mags and canteens and some artillary safety glasses... he tried to wear the cevlar(sp?) (hard had) but it was just too heavy after 10 min he took it off... my oldest wore his Greek costume from his school project last year and hubby wore his ACU's with a box that had a hole cut out the top and bottom... a paper on the front said 'free kittens' and when someone would look in he would do his screetchy cat meow and grab with his hand... my oldest then gave a treat from our candy bag we brought... he does it every year and my boys and him never get tired of it!

as we are walking... maybe 10min in - it starts to rain not drizzle anymore - but rain... grrrr... then it got worse... after 1 hr i couldnt take anymore and i said time to go in... i was so cold! i even had leather special fancy gloves and a black trench coat on and i was still frozen - my hands were still so cold that through his shirt my husband said my hands were freezing his skin off - yikes!

the day ended - i bp 3x... blah - i had my meds in my pocket but never took them - im not sure why... still now i havent again and i really am not sure why im not wanting to take them - i am taking them with me though and at the hospital when i go talk to cm - i will take with a water bottle...
so i think thats all for today - i am so exhausted... weight 102 and i am having some lightheadedness today... i had a few times already where i just had to stop what i was doing because something just didnt feel quite right... then it went away and i was good... idk i hope this shit doesnt keep going on...
have ANAD tonight, my chatting buddy wont be there and im sad... but i plan to wear funky sox and to take my crocheting... i need to finish this blanket!!! well off till later - tons to do and very very little time!

545pm MOOD: disusting, frustrated, angry feels like just being done...
so the day didnt quite work as planned and i never did take those meds... they are in the bathroom sitting on the med box hopefully i can get myself to take them tomorrow... the blanket didnt get done - ill work on it before ANAD... i dont feel like dealing with people tonight but im going to go anyway... some how i have to defete this fucking shit and if its one toe crawl at a time and ANAD is one of those crawls then i must go...
anyway - ill update tomorrow as this day needs to be done... ive got the dinner (leftovers) for everyone and i just plan to leave at 615 for the meeting then ill have plenty of free time to work on the blanket... its been so long since i have im not even sure i remember how!