o m g!!!

533pm today (well tonight) is tuesday nov, 15 - yikes no updates or checkins since the 10th - not good...
well here is what has been happening and y i havent been writting...

so 11th son had to be at hospital @ 615 am for surgery! we got there 6am seeing as there was a marathon and we were concerned of being trapped in traffic and being late... so we get him all checked in and wait to be called back... finally called back, he gets into a gown and a nurse comes to recheck paper work again and then tells him whats going to happen as she preps him... she gives him the iv and then shaves his leg where the incision will be made... next she tells him she will give him a shot of medication to make him a little sleepy and then he will be wheeled back, get the loopey gas and fall asleep... he is wheeled away - i nearly cry as he is still wide awake and we had been told we could be with him until he was asleep... his face turned blotchy - he was fighting tears as well...

once he was through the double doors dad and i are escorted back to the waiting room... freezing cold i decide on a cup of coffee and i add splenda... i then go further and put a dash of non-dairy creamer in it... it was so warm... felt so good... couldnt purge and right then i was just soaking the heat... i wound up having 3 cups all together before he was out of surgery... hubby ate a bagel with cream cheese and a scone from panera bread - courtesy of the hospital... i was just starting to work on his blanket when we were called back and he was waking up...

when i saw him he wasnt even moving... just breathing and rested... i said his name and kissed his cheek and he stirred it made me feel so much better i was the first he saw as he was waking and hid daddy too... after about 30 min of him really struggling to wake he was awake - sort of, dressed and ready to go - he was starving... he wanted golden corral and so thats where we headed... once there i got his food, got mine and well it ended up anoother day full of bp... i think 3? maybe only 2...

when we got home i lay in the bed and he lay next to me and asks his daddy to lay with us too... he is very cuddly right now and i think it was his being pulled away while still awake... idk... we get up and he takes some meds for his pain and he sleeps some more... poor thing i feel so bad for him... for dinner i was going to make pizza but we dont have any pitas so i decide on something else - scallopini with rice and veggies... he was happy but that was his second choice dinner... i promise ill get the pitas the next day and make his pizza then... when we go to bed, exhausted, i try to sleep but he wakes us every few minutes... between him and my lovely cold sore that i got that night - well the night was shitty...

sat am my son comes into the bed and asks can he lay with us... he is still feeling anxiety seperation i think even though he doesnt admit it... all day he worries about where his daddy and i are and whether he can sit or lay with us... we nap for a bit at one point and i just wait for him to wake before i got up...

my relationship has been anything but physical with hubby this past few days... neither of us has the energy and thats just how it is... he does hold me close before we go to sleep and it feels so safe i drift into a slumber only to be awoken by my son needing his meds in the middle of the night for the pain... oh well... sunday all day i baked cookies and did laundry - just caught some simple stuff up... we watched the last and final part to harry potter and deathly hollows pt II... and i worked on the latch hook , nearly finished it during the movie - which the movie was awesome!

monday comes and im really easily irritated... by EVERYTHING... i thought my period was coming like the 9th or 10th but it went away as fast as it came... who knows what is going on but monday im pmsing and im cranky... i still manage to do some things, made a nice dinner of baked chicken with cream of chicken soup and broccoli in it and then a pot of rice to pour it over... there was like nearly no left overs... bp has been aweful - completely terrible this entire weekend... lets see 3x saturday, sunday and again monday... i had the group also and it was really really triggering for me - the only way i made it was to bp before... while i was there i was able to crochet which helped the anxiety some... but when she asked me to share my story - no way! i am SOOOOOOO not ready for that!

i get home and hubby is already showered and had his hair cut and is ready for bed - wow its early too! we go upstairs, i take meds and change into sleeping clothes and lay next to him on the bed... he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close to him and we watched some silly tv for a bit before my meds make me start to drift off...

i wake at 430am to his alarm screaming at us and quickly fell asleep... my stomach hurts and im not happy... well what do u know? fucking period is here and its killing me! i take some pain meds and go back to sleep until i gotta get the boys off to school... then i go back to shower and hope it helps my dam cramping which at this point was doubling me over... hubby comes home and i had made him a bagel so he showered quick and went to eat before going back to work... he said hed be home for lunch so i tell him ill make him something...

was planning to go back to sleep but that didnt happen...instead i chat on the phone via yahoo with a good friend... she is very down today and i am also... it really helps when she and i talk - we have a lot of shit that we can each relate to the other... she decided on some not so good behaviors for today and i feel sad for her... i know this struggle all too well and i wish she didnt have to have it as well... me - im staying clear of that part though - i have enough issues im fighting dont need to add that back again...

we talk for a while then i get up, dress, make the bed and then decide to put away my laundry... while im doing that i also go through my clothes and pull out the ones that are just toooooo big and put them in a box in the hall closet... i dont plan to ever wear or fit them again - but im not sure i wanna get rid of them just yet either... what happens if i bloat up overnight and cant fit anything? it could happen... just sayin...

i come downstairs to prepare lunch for hubby... should be ready right at noon when he said he would be here... nope - he comes in at 1145 so the lunch is still cooking... grrrr.... i made him sandwiches with boneless ribs, grilled onions and pepper jack cheese on hoagie rolls... he was very happy with that lunch until i told him i wasnt eating when he asked me... so... yep i decided to bp - to keep him happy...

thought i could do no more today but i ended up doing that one and now ive not had anymore since...my weight had dropeed to 101 but then bloat today from period has me at 102.6.... im not happy - im triggered and i want it back down...

so i preparing to head out for anad... ill try to update more tomorrow....