an EARTHQUAKE in VIRGINIA???!!!

5pm (8-28-2011)                                            MOOD: DISGUSTED, FRUSTRATED, ANXIOUS
today started out with a weight of 107.6 STILL. Then the day got even worse… i woke early to make breakfast for the hubby and boys – ended up b/p on it so they would leave me alone about not eating. then well that was a mistake to begin with but i did take my am meds after and then headed out to take care of some stuff.

my middle son and i first went to walmart and got my hubby a new alarm clock (his finally broke after like 15yrs!) and then i went to tmobile to see about an upgrade on my phone and find out about my sons phone issues. Then we returned home for lunch with hubby before we did anything else.

after he left – we left to go take care of some other things to include tmobile again as we had to trouble shoot with his phone which we didn’t have the first time we went. while we were there we had quite the adventure! it was discovered my phone was on an old sims card – this meant for the phone to really work well it needed the updated sims card – no charge for that so it was switching over all my information. suddenly – this weird loud noise from nowhere and the signs and everything including the floor and seats began to shake. i asked – what is that? the guy who was helping me says idk – probably an earthquake, he chuckled then said just kidding. I said really – what is that? he says idk then people start running from the building and he says out the building it really is an earthquake! omg- im like freaking out now and trying to stay calm at the same time. i have only my middle son with me, my other 2 had stayed home alone – i knew they were probably freaking out and I couldn’t call them! because my phone was still transferring the information from one card to the next and we hadn’t replaced it into the phone – my phone had no service and my sons doesn’t work right now!

after about 5min or so we were able to go back inside… the guy helping us was dizzy as were my son and i – probably from the shaking is what we all assume…finally everything is transferred and we head home… half way out the driveway my phone finally has service and i get a message in all CAPS from my oldest saying “PICK UP THE FREAKIN PHONE!” i knew he was scared, i texted back i was trying to call – it wasn’t going through since he was texting… then I called again and he answered. he was really upset and was like why is the house shaking… apparently the emergency broadcasting still hadn’t sent any information out and our internet wasn’t working! my poor babies! i told him what had happened and that we were on our way home to calm down everything is ok.

so ya – what an experience! i didn’t know they had earthquakes in Virginia!

i get home and for some insane reason I eat and purge AGAIN! im so frustrated! i have no idea why i had to do it again – maybe it was the fear from what had happened and my babies could have been hurt and i wasn’t there to protect them? idk – but it happened, it scared me and im glad its all over… so then i made my way to my room and lay down for a few minutes… my stomach is hurting so i decide to go eat and purge again… but when i get to the kitchen my stomach is queasy and i decide i don’t want anything – so i just had a sip of water and sat at my computer to begin merging journal notes and journaling for today.

i still have to update my different little notebooks and list ways ive tried to work towards recovery… im not sure if i have a lot or not – but i am trying and i am thinking about it… i know when i had a 47cal pop-scicle i tried to reason with myself y it was OK to eat it and keep it down… the reasoning didn’t work – but i did think about it and did want to keep it down, i just couldn’t let it go so it was part of a b/p…

i know i have also given away some of my small jeans so that as time goes on if they didn’t fit they wont be a trigger – i wont know they don’t fit because i don’t have them anymore…

i have been taking my meds and i haven’t drank alcohol all week…even though some days i REALLY wanted too – i didn’t, i gave my word i wouldn’t…

i am still waiting on a call from Dr. Gupta about the iron and i never got a return call from the group my T had called during session on Friday. i called my T and left a message to let her know i had not received any call – i think that is part of working towards treatment and recovery for 2 reasons - a) phone phobia and  b) calling about the group.

so, after all this – i have to get ready soon to go get fuel in the van and the drive to ANAD tonight… im not really feeling up to going… my stomach is a mess still, anxiety is really bad after the E/Q today and im super nervous to leave my boys – i know i have to though… so regardless of the anxiety – i am pushing myself to go and will probably have more to add to this tonight or tomorrow…

for now well – i guess im done.