bout time i merge these posts!

MOOD: irritated, frustrated, afraid
11:10 am

This has not been a good week as far as recovery goes. My behaviors have been bad and ive not written in a dew days... additionally ive not taken most meds - except prozac and iron the past 2 days, and my b/p has been horriblely high #s. Weight is yo-yoing 108-109 and it is really mking me frustrated!

On top of that realization actually hit me yesterday - i have 2 weeks left for this months goals and im not even close. Also agreed no alc for the week...

Aye-ye-ye...im gonna have a long week and hubby off 4day...gonna be truly challenging...

Oh and this tiredness is rediculous! I am so dam exhausted! Idky either feels like ive not slept in days but i know i have been...so wtf? Headaches too r bad... Im hoping this iron starts working for energy again. Ive been taking it again and i am gonna start the rest of meds again - have too! I need energy!

Picked up effexor refill so now i CAN take it and headin to cm to give iron supp label and maybe ask for somethin for stomach again... Then off to try to get some $ some how to make it till payday :(...

I was talking to hubby lastnight and i realized i feel guilty and like im abandoning my boys if i get a job. Also like i will never c them or hub if im working...Now that i am aware of this i guess i have to find a way to deal and manage with it. I need a job for the $ and the time structure to keep me busy... It makes no sense but also makes sense seeing as ive not worked outside the home or w/o my boys since my oldest was born...thats almost 16yrs...

So ive dealt w/anxiety long enuf 2 kno how it feels. 2day my chest hrts not anxiety pain. Its ctr lft pain and breathing makes it worse, also feel out o breath... Makes me feel uncomfortable right now and is causing anxiety!

So im kind of relieved! I got a reimbursment check from the tooth removal that helps a lot! Now im hopin to get a loan @ pawn...

I just need enough to make it through till the 1st then things should be sorted and no more neg balance!

I am feelin so ill right now! Omg i have no idea y either! Such a migraine i feel like vomittin everywhere! I had 2 cups non-sweet tea while out. Now weight up!

Im so pissed what the scale says rgt now but tryin to ignore and know is from tea/water weight. I put $ in bank and got food @ comm then came hm. Cold sweat n all!

I wish some1 would have told me how this life would b when i was 5 i would have made diff choices!

It feels like i traded that weird chest pain for this migraine/stomach ache! I cant win this battle! Im out for the count tonight, just hope i have energy 2 do the printing later...

Now 2 make it worse im having gurggling in my lower gut usually means period time - but if it is then its way early! Dam prozac causin it bout 2 not wanna take it! Dr. Spanier said a lot of Dr's put women who havent been able to conceive on prozac because it does soemthing... well im not havin more kids so it doesnt need to do that!

7:12pm
so i am still extremely nauseated and have no energy... my head is killing me and the headache is odd... it feels like everything is racing then it feels slow motion at the same time? idk its weird...
i took the K a bit ago thinking maye that would help... that was around 3 and this headache is just not going away or getting any better!

hubby is home now, he has to go in part day tomorrow and again part day monday... no matter how challening it might be when he is home a real 4 days off would be nice for once... oh well... used to this shit it never changes just keeps goin like the energizer bunny... guess ill print this now and then maybe try to laydown and get this headache away... deff cant drink since i gave my word although i know it woul help the heaache if nothing else!