sleepless nights and manic days...

447pm 06 oct 2011.....
mood: anxious, have pain, tired, still slightly manic...

so i could not sleep all night... i was so tired i went to bed at 730 and fell asleep fast with my meds and 10mg of melatonin... well then my husband woke up to go to work - he had to work a night shift for this army thing he is in charge of... anyway, when he got up i woke and i could not get back to sleep... at one time i did fall into a slight sleep and then i woke when i jumped in my sleep and bit my tongue... ive been having weird dreams and jumping a lot in my sleep lately... its weird...
ok so a few hrs have passed (715pm now) and let me say today has been a very long, anxiety filled triggered day full of b/p and personal disappointment... i wanted to make less than 3x i had done it since the 26th of sept but i didnt make it today... i say it is because i didnt sleep and the medications just didnt seem to help at all... idk... i will do better tomorrow though - i have too.
outside of this i really dont have much else to say except im reall confused with some crap my body is doing that makes no sense....
im worried about my friend who is fighting ed right now too - fighting for her life... bmi is 13.86 and she is getting a peg feeding tube... im scared - i dont want that to ever be me... but i dont want it to be her either - i know she needs it and she agreed to it because she doesnt want to die... i really pray she finds her way to escape ed and see what a wonderful person she is...
i have therapy tomorrow and i did do my work this week and i have really been trying... some days ive done much better than others but i havent given up and that was one of my goals... i also know i will be facing consequences for some personal choices i made during the week and well thats what happens when you make poor decisions... but then again - any decision has a consequence that will be dealt with... desired or not...
well my husband should be home soon - really late, supposed to be home at 1pm and go back to work tomorrow at 2am... now idk if they are making him still go back that early or not...
i guess im off till tomorrow hopefully for some sleep!