when will i know?

it is monday early afternoon 3:44 pm exactly...
mood: tired, worried, feel like shit, achey all over

ok so lets go back a few days...yikes i have done badly with writting every day gotta do better from today on...so friday i had session and it was fairly - deep...there was a lot of discussion when it came to my binge drinking and after that was over the harder stuff...i mean the drinking is bad just not as bd as it can get so trying to catch it before it gets to bad and becomes another issue... so then we talked about the whol my needing to stay small and my reasons why i feel this way...there was a lot of discussion and deep thoughts i had to deal with...i had intended to do the workbooks for ed but well i still have not...i think it is the ed really holding  me hard and not giving me reaching or breathing room...that means when im trying to combat this dam disorder it is pushing against me and im not winning...i will just have to keep fighting i suppose...
so then friday night after 3 harsh bp sessions i was exhausted and feeling bad...my side was having pains and it was really bad in my lower left side - hoping not kidney infection...when i go to bed i decide im not going to drink tonight after all and so i do not.
in the morning my husband goes to work and i tried to sleep in - didnt work...i got up intending to have a bp free day and clean but well that didnt exactly happen...instead i started the bathroom and headed downstairs where i made foods to bp on without even thinking...im sitting down to eat and hubby comes home - very early and i feel trapped with whatever i had just eaten i knew had to get rid of it... so after a few min i decided to "startt cleaning" again and made my way to our bathroom and bedroom and i purged then put laundry away, vacuumed, and finished the counters in the bathroom...i felt better and i knew the day had to go on...i alternated between cleaning and bp and it ended up a 3x day again... i was in pain at bedtime from my lower back and side and although planning to ge drunk decided against it...
sunday morning i woke up and just felt like i could not sleep or get comfortable...i finally  managed to move around a bit, take a few short naps and of course bp 3x by the end of the day...again exhausted and having the same dam kidney di m pain i at least thought i knew why...my period had come on around 1pm - no wander i was so tired and having those dam crampy feelings... ugh... thought it wasnt due ye but i think its actually late?