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Wednesday, December 07, 2011

my mind is a mess...

955am dec 07,2011                                                                                                     97.6
MOOD/EMOTIONS: anxious, frustrated, confused, disappointed, depressed, ready to hide forever.

this morning i woke so very early - 445 am and i had been having some weird scary food dreams that woke me... its odd because i very rarely have food dreams if ever... so i came downstairs and saw hubby and was talking to him when suddenly i found myself robotically making some food to eat thus leading to the purging... of course - so irritating... so after i purged i lay back down a bit  was so dam cold... hubby came home from pt and i made him and my oldest some breakfast (oldest home because asthma attack on way to bus again and he still hasnt gotten under control today)... ive been doing things on the computer for a bit now and im exhausted...

still gotta rewrite this letter and get the nerve to give to hubby this evening... i just hate to do it nd him go to be hurting or angry...but what else can i do??? i myself am hurting because i know he is probably going to hate me after tonight and im feel like im losng the only part of me that i know how to love... if he hates me and leaves me i have my children to be here for but i will be an empty shell... he is and has always been my one true love - soul mate and i cant lose him...i just cant...

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