im sorry ive been away so long...

Thursday Dec. 01,2011
MOOD: ANXOUS, determined, hopeful, triggered, trying, motivated

well - it has been quite a few days since i last updated... so i was out bcuz i didnt have the mone to pay the bill until today...so now its paid and back upan i can sar writting again... however im not going to go al the way back ill just go back a few... i will let you know my TG Day was good - at first... then it ended with bp x1 also the dinner with hubbies work - well that day was aweful...

so now on to tuesay this past week... well it was aweful... i bp too many times and right now cant even recall... i think it started from the group on monday night - that was a hard one and triggering... i didnt cave when i got home but i woke triggered in the morning, then my son was hurt and had togo to er, i forgot to take meds cuz i left in such a hurry... well that ended in bp way too many times...i went to ANAD and i just wasnt in a good place... had horrible headache which i attoned to potentially low K levels... i took supplements when i got home and went to bed and in the morning headache was gone... idk it could have been i was tired too...

yesterday was another trigger filled day... i woke and bp on home made pancakes with ham i had baked the night before... i took my meds and slept in until 1030... i got up and did some things around the house, made lunch for hubby, took to him... came home and bp again... ugh... so then i finally climbed into the van - i decided i had to get out of the house and was supposed to see CM so thats where i went... turns out sh had let early - poo, shouldve stayed in bed... oh well went to GNC bought some vitamins, a sandwhich and cookies at subway which i purged when i got home.. so ended with 3x yesterday... too many again!

went to bed with a stomach ache, bladder pain - very BAD pains, and masive low K headache... took 2 K and went to sleep... i tried that is... i barely slept lastnight and when i finally did, well the last look at th clock was 213am... then the alarm went off for hubby at 500am -awake again and ever since...
i got up took all meds and then laydown a little to get warm and trying to sleep - didnt happen so got up at 6 and dressed and started doing stuff lik payin he comcast bill... then i started sortin coupons - throwing out the expired ones and clipping those i hadnt done yet were just needing cut out... i finished that and then went to the site Krazycouponlady.com and printed out some new coupons...  i just finished with that and started trying to organize them and decided to write as well...

so i am very triggered right now and im fighting... my heartis racing and anxiety is high - even with the meds... i am determined today though i have decided if i eat anything im not allowed to purge - no matter what or how much it is... this is scary as shit for me so idk if i will eat or not today... im sick of purging and i just want to stop -so im going too...

really nervous and anxious for tomorrows session... we r supposed to talk about my bringing hubby in with me and telling him whats all going on and how bad it has gotten... she told me at last session i have 1 foot in the hospital and a be waiting if anythig happens - no thanx! im not sure how much i want hubby to know - i think that is the ed speaking though and so i have to counter it and fight...we will see how it works out i guess...

well gotta get these coupons done, need to see CM, go g shopping, sears, target, walmart... tons to do!