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Saturday, December 10, 2011

keep breathing today will end - eventually...

sat dec10, 2011                                                                                              97
MOOD/EMOTIONS: a little hopeful, self-doubting, slightly manic but tired.
well i got up this am and i took a LONG warm shower i was frozen! then i climbed back into the bed and slept a bit longer getting up at 835am... i would have slept longer but my head was killing me so i finally gave up and just got dressed then lay back down a bit before going downstairs to start my daily schedule... when i did come downstairs i staarted the van to get it warm for me to head out... hubby didnt want to go so i went alone, first the bank, toys r us and finally the mini px with gamestop...i got all but 1 of the game the boys asked for for Christmas -they will be happy... then i came home...
to my surprise i have some massive cramps and some spotting... i thought with such a much lower than normal wight i might not have a period but i think it is from continuing with the prozac... if thats the case oh well - i have to have the prozac or i really have no control over my behaviors and thats not ok wth me...
i didnt eat yesterday at all, i was most effinately not hungry and super anxious as wll as stressed out... i went to bedat 7pm lastnight i was that tired! of course i didnt sleep all night - kept waking up but hat was to use the bathroom an not due to bad dreams this time. im not sure but maybe telling my therapisst about the dreams - well whats been happening maybe will help me to not have anymore? i stil didnt share about the locked doors and stuff, i just didnt feel like it and i was already fighting crying - holding those tears back when i was hurting... i know i shold let em out - but i hate crying - especially in front of people...

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