today i started out exhausted... came home from taking the boys to the bus and layed down - just for a minute... well i woke to find it was 11! omg i had so much to do and now ill bever get it done in time! grrrr hate being tired! so i rushed to get my tea drank and took a quick shower, washed up shaved, washed - hair u know the quick basics and got out... well came to the computer missed my hubby and my friend on here this am grrr... ok rush down make the lemonade drink - it takse so long to peel these lemons! i look at the clock going on 1230 i have 30minutes till i gotta leave to get my son... feeling rushed here... quick as i can get the lemons peeled - a little short on the juice but thats i have so will have to be enough... i am already feeling triggered - i dont think im gonna make it again today... damn it! im gonna fight i gotta at least try!
ok everything is ready... reset the password on my phone for yahoo and its working good! i grab all my stuff and a snack for my son - he has therapy today so i gotta go get him from school early... i head out the door and get in the van well on my way... i have my text will try to read while he is in session.. just then 3 people logged onto yahoo and started messaging me... cool - i can always use conversation!
got to the school grabbed my son and left... got to his appt 3min late - grrrr - HATE being late! even 3min is bad! oh well... i had to pee so bad and they had the door to the entrance leading to the bathroom locked! oh lord help me hold it! i made it to the bathroom...then waited in the lobby for his therapist to come... talking to 2 friends and hubby... got out my text and tried to read... not so successfu my mind just kept wandering to bp... grrr make it go away already! my son came out and i went back to discuss some of the stuff with her then we made a new appt and left... on the way we stopped at olive garden where i bp on salad, soup, bread sticks and some pasta - damn it! we went next to sams - i got ome ice cream... i needed to make sure i got all the other stuff up so had to keep putting something in... i ate the ice cream and purged some before we left... then i ate some cookies on the way home... came upstairs and purged till i had to sit down... weighed - good where i was this am... oh lord - i need to binge again! damn it! yep this was the cycle all night... fuck me! ok so i am not happy AT ALL with the way today went... to make it worse? i didnt get my homework done - i have no focus at all... there is no way i can do this tonight ive been tryingto do it since i got home between eating and purging... ok so today was a royal fuck up... tomorrow i have the lemons and im going to start over... i know i can do this - i CAN! i CAN! i CAN!
ok that being said - i am a fat cow and m littl cow chain here she reminds me of that when i push her buttons... just make her moo at me to remind me of the cow i am... idk maybe she will help maybe she will hurt - i do not care right now i just have to make this work!
the only positive thing today? 117.6... hopefully my bp today didnt screw that back up!
0 comments:
Post a Comment