let me introduce me ... i suppose...

 a little about me... but first let me place a disclaimer here for your protection and mine...
***PLEASE NOTE*** I DO NOT PROMOTE THE DEVELOPMENT OF ANA OR MIA - HOWEVER I CANNOT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO... THIS IS MY STORY AND THE HELL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH... VENTURE INTO A LIFE WITH ANA AND MIA AT YOUR OWN RISK BUT REMEMBER YOUR LIFE IS TRULY THE RISK AT STAKE***
i have been ANA with MIA tendencies since i was extremely young - 5yrs old is my first recollection and i just turned 36 - yes im OLD! i have had my bouts with maintaining a 'healthy' weight even if it was on the lower end of the scale... this has been done through moderate restriction and purging through exercise or vomiting... i was first in the hospital when i was 15 for 2 weeks for 'observation' at which point i was 'officially' diagnosed... i was able to escape treatment thanx to my father who said 'it is just a phase and she will outgrow it' he also told me if i didnt like the cooking - just dont eat the food... i was in the free and clear for ANA to grow stronger! i passed out twice in school but played it off to 'the flu' when in reality i had overdosed on laxatives...
i met a boy in Aug of 1991 and we began dating - he was my first boyfriend, date, phone number - everything... we married in 1993... during the time we were first married i was able to control my weight through restriction and purging via exercise... i maintained around 115 with a height of 5'9". this gave me a BMI of around 17.... it was never an issue until i was pregnant with my first child and i became worried for his safety in the womb. because i was scared of the weight gain and had found myself wanting to purge and restricting i told my dr but she was not concerned and let it go... the pregnancy started out very rough with my weightloss of 16lbs then i started gaining after i stopped working... the rest of the pregnancy was ok but i was placed on bed rest when at 36 weeks for preterm labor and baby only measured 3lbs (via ultrasound)... i was scared for him but was doing what i could... the next 2 pregnancies went about the same with massive weight drops then weight gain... however the third i had severe pre-eclampsia which caused huge water and fluid retention to the point of a spike in weight up to 214lbs! when i left the hospital the next day - i was down to 184... not low enough but deff better!
so after that i started restricting carefully because i was breastfeeding - as i did all 3 of my babies... but i really wanted the weight off... so i stopped nursing my youngest cold turkey at 17months and started diet pills and fasting the next day... by the time he was 2 i was down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 128... my husband asked me not to lose anymore so i stayed at that weight as well as i could but this required purging through vomitting and also restricting... and i was not happy...
when we moved to to another state... we had to stay at a hotel for a month - no fitness room and no kitchen... i gained weight despite purging and i was really unhappy... i gained up to 140... he left a month later for deployment and i was full on ANA again - i dropped quickly down to 110 but was having mini blackouts so i moved to stay with family... i still continued with my habits but weight was up to 130 then was dropping... he came home for 2 weeks i was 118lbs... i moved back to our home from before he had left in feb 2004 and i maintained the lower end weight of 120 until Oct...
at this point i was also cutting really bad and i started the lax and the purging and restricting again and i dropped down to 113 at which point i passed out while driving and landed in the hospital and into teatment the day before thanksgiving... i was there 5 days in a psych ward to stabalize my vitals and heart then 55 days in and ED treatment facility and removed when the ins said i had used all of my days... it was AMA and the dr said i would end up back in the hospital worse than i had where i had started if i left - i had no choice... i left and a month later landed in the hospital at 100lbs with a feeding tube(2005)... i was there 2 weeks released for the weekend and shipped to another treatment facility...
i stayed for 24 days and again released AMA via ins request (2005)... i stayed out of hospital for a yr then in may of 2006 was admitted yet again to a treatment facility where i stayed for 37days... i was released again AMA via ins but with the guarantee of a day program - the program ended up being a suicide prevention group and i left and returned to home to stay... i was determined - no more treatment! well i stayed out until may of 2008 where i was admitted into a psychward for medication stabalization and food 'reengagemet' for 2 weeks...
in 2009 i had a seizure (caused from the ED) and was in the hospital for a week with 12 staples in my head and a concusion... i fought with the weight since then as i had gotten up to 158 and was so disgusted! i was in martial arts and was working out so much i was nothing but muscle but the weight was too much so i started restricting and purging more... i used lax a few times and with everything got down to 135 then i stopped the purging and the weight went back up... it stuck between 141 and 145 until my husband left for another deployment in march. i was 145 then... on july 1 i was down to 115.... i was 118 with water logging on aug 3... i am fighting hospital threats now...
i know i have engaged with MIA and have thoroughly pissed ANA off... her revenge will be great and i know it - but i have it coming as i have betrayed her through the weight gain i recenly have attained as right now i am at 119lbs.. i WILL drop again and i am going to be discreet and careful!
SO - this being said - i do not love my life with ANA - in fact it is truly a living hell where there is no peace... i risk my life everyday and i know it but yet i am too scared to stop no matter how hard i try... i run the risk of heart attack everyday and yet ANA is so pissed right now - it doesnt matter... so until she is happy i cannot stop... unfortunately i have never made her happy no mater how low i have gone - this is one HUGE fact with ANA...
**if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask - i will answer but please also be aware i will try to help you be healthy before i will help you go down the path i have fallen upon...**