a new day... a new week???

1pm...
well so far today ana has been very good to me and kept mia at bay... im not feeling the cravings or even feeling like eating... i think the depression setting in has helped with that - guess thats the good thng with depression... works for us or against us... im hoping mia doesnt get ahold of me when i go to the gym today... im sort of worried as that is often a trigger especially if i get physically weak while im there...
my weight is fucking pissing me off today... it just wont go down... im trying this fast and if it fails maybe i can fall back to abc... idk but something has GOT to work... my mind cant handle these fiucking mind games anymore!
so i got my grade for my assignment... i worked really hard on that and im so frustrated - i swear there is no pleasing this professor! i lost 9 points out of 120! i am so not happy with this! i feel like the worlds worst writer now.... if i cant write a paper that is college level and acceptable then why on earth am i even trying? at the same time though i cant just give up - what am i showing my kids if i do that?

750 pm...

well it seems mia was able to get her fucking mind games back into play this afternoon...grrrr... actually im ok with it this time....y? because i am planning a fast / abc tomorrow with a few friends of mine... i kind of made today my last day allowed to fuck up...i mean i am going all out tomorrow and the rest of this week... alone? oh well - i feed it with ana's help and make myself start to slowly disappear...

i saw my hubby on skype today - it was really nice... idk if he thinks ive lost or maintained - he didnt say anything - probably cuz the boys were right here and thats fine with me... i dont ant him to say anything or to notice... the less he worries the better - he just needs to stay safe...

so for now... i feel... um i think numb? i dont realy have anything to say, i dont feel anything except ready to take my lax!

OK THIS IS JUST AWESOME!