i hate mondays...

715 am...morning already?
mondays are the worst day because it is the first day i have to get up super early to get the boys ready for school! not that it matters much i barely slept at all lastnight... i ended up with 2 boys in the bed - 1 on either side... to begin with my youngest couldnt sleep so he came in my bed then a few hours later my middle came in from having a nightmare... so there i was - smack in the middle again... i had to pee it was a hassle getting up! grrrrr... oh well - i know they need the security so i dont mind...
so back to lastnight... well the internet went down - i got frustrated and caved into mia! damn bitch! i cant believe i let her win! i had almost made it! it was 1030... i went downstairs got 3 rolls with a slice of cheese each, and got some peanuts in a bowl and covered with honey... mix well - they are sweet and salty that way... grrr.... my stomach was so full i barely made it to the bathroom and it all came up without water - in about 10seconds or less... i love that freshly emptied feeling - so at that exact second it was great! a few minutes later however i was pissed! i still cant believe i bp! i raced up to my bathroom and stripped and weighed - good weight back down...
this morning i weighed - no change whew! that bp didnt effect my weight in a bad way - just made so i didnt lose more... well better to maintain than to gain! so i can STILL feel the lax from sat in my guts... feels like they didnt completely leave - have that nasty gurggling feeling in the lower gut and i can hear the noises... so i made a HUGE 32 oz tumbler of coffee and drank almost all of it! shortly after - yep i was in the bathroom and the lax and coffee together doing their job - yay! so im emptying out some more... i think maybe not eating and then purging what i did eat up made so the lax didnt completely leave my body... i think they will today...
so i am about to go back to bed... i took my effexor - ill take the oep when i get up later.. otherwise my heart feels like it is racing and pounding when i try to relax and i wont get back to sleep... id like a couple hours then my mom should be calling and i can hopefully figure out this genogram for my class!

I JUST THINK THIS IS FUNNY!

HMMM I CANT QUITE GET IN YET :(



1030 am...

i just got out of the shower... i was trying to sleep but the damn maintanence for the base is doing all the yard work - mowing, weedeaters etc... so annoying! im feeling quite triggered right now because my stomach is nauseated and im really shakey - like low blood sugar shakey... i hate that feeling. i am hoping it just goes away because otherwise it normally leads to bp and i am not going there... im really going to make this fast today... i dont want to give in and have to take lax tonight...

i cant do my assignment because i still dont have the information which is also a trigger for me... yes i waited till yesterday but i would have had plenty of time to complete the assignment if i started it lastnight... now im worried i wont get it done in time...

we are reading about ed's in my text too - i didnt know because i hadnt even looked at the chapters this week... grrr i gotta stop waiting... now there is like 200pages to be read... i dont undestand y i am having such a time getting into this class reading? i mean this has always been my goal - to get my degree in psychology... i think i may be burned out from school? idk... it could be i mean i have been going nonstop since sept of 2006... i really enjoyed my summer off from it but i just cant seem to get back into it even though i was really looking forward to this class... it could also be i guess, the crap that has been going on with my life lately - it doesnt help thats for sure... not knowing from one week to the next whether i will be a free woman or locked in an ed faciltiy...



SOMETHING TO KEEP IN MIND...