so i am really really angry with myself! i cant believe my lack of will power and strength! i used to be SO strong with ana - now suddenly its like she doesnt exist and mia is all that is left... idk maybe she ate ana like she ate me...leaving only her and nothing and noone else... im sick of her shit though! i just want to find that lever i had before that said hey hold on there! u REALLY dont want to do that! dont eat that! anything but stuffing my face to only then shove it into the nearest toilet to empty myself once again. maybe with ana i didnt have a lot of control but at least i had some dignity! the only thing i do when i go some place to eat now is look for a bathroom... if i spot a bathroom im clear to eat so i can go empty myself and feel that high and numbness... tonight being of course no different... ive managed to eat a whole thing of chips ahoy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and purge then a bowl of rice with shredded cheese and purge again! since it was at one sitting but 2 different purges idk if it counts as one or 2 b/p either way it is too many! so now i have resorted to something else... i am downing some lax... some magnesium citrate... supposed to take one bottle - im in the middle of my 2nd... if i had 3 id drink that one too... the mood im in right now i wish i could take 1000! anything to clean me out and make me miserable so i never want to eat or look at food again! either way - i am GOING to find a way to give mia the 'ol HEAVE HO!
so with that being said... i am warning all those out there who might think im going to join em in this world of FATness! i am NOT! so the warning is officially posted!
DONT SAY i DIDNT WARN U!
AND SICK OF BEING SICK!!!
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no fatties allowed!
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