well it is 1130 am...
i am just so tired of failing... i made it 2 days with absolutely NOTHING. i barely was able to get myself to drink enough each day and food was just not an option... well i took my effexor this a but have to wait a little whil after to take the oep i dont want side effects if there are any... so i went to the farmers market and then had to go to the grocery store... big mistake! the smel of the fresh bread and fruits and veggies thy all got me... i dont know y... i dont even LIKE food - i hate it... ive said it before - i only eat it to make myself purge to sheer emptiness... well i bought these rolls like a ferccoshia bread sort of have bits of cheese baked into them and some other stuff of course... i bought some happy cow(i think?) cheese wedges...35 cals per wedge - not bad... then it got worse... i bought donuts and cookies - oatmeal rasin... i came home and ate some of the rolls finished the donuts with my boys and a few of the cookies... i was so disgusted i purged till my throat was raw... now i just disgusted and exausted... i took the oep and i think im down for a nap right quick before trying to deal with all the farmers market stuff...my body is do tired... my hear is spinning and im so dizzy...yeah i think some rest is a good idea...
ok so its like 245pm now... after that bp i layed down and fell asleep... it was good to rest - got a whole hour! i got up and came to the computer and hubby was online so we talked for a bit... then i went downstairs and gutted and clened 3 butternut squash - in the oven baking now... cleaned and cut a water melon and the BIGGEST honey dew melon i have ever seen - lol! i also cut up broccoli - my son wanted it for a snack! an 11 yr old wanting broccoli for a snack thats funny! anyway - i also cleaned the spianch and put in a new container and reorganized the fridge - never any room left after farmers market morning! oh and i put the apples, apple-pears and peaches in the mini fridge where the boys can get them easily...
as for this am weight check - i lost 1/2 a lb... 2 days of nothing and thats all i lost... a little disappointing but its better than a gain! so i am down to 118 now and i really hope this weight goes down some before tuesday... my goal is nothing else today but idk... im not feeling so strong with ana right now and i really dont want to cave in... part of it is the chest pains... i cant stand this... my chest feels so tight - like i cant breath in deep... i feel like i am having to take these shallow breathes just to get any air... a good thing though - my under ribs arent hurting today... thank goodness - that was aweful and so uncomfortable! however, the ribs to the touch are extremely tender idk y... i guess ill say something to the dr on tuesday if they arent better... i mean it hurts to even let my arm rest against my side... i have to keep my arms like sort of up on the desk away from my side so it doesnt hurt so much...
another good thing - zumba lastnight... although i was exhausted as i posted before - i made it through! now this am my shoulders and upper back are slightly sore - im glad... sore means the muscles got a workout and they arent used to it... cant wait to go again on monday!
1 comments:
Its not easy, but 2moro will be better, it has to be. You hang in there and congrats on 2 glorious days with Ana.
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