DETERMINED AND PISSED!

ok so the lax did NOT do like they were supposed too! GRRRRR! i am pissed! i have been sick as shit all day i mean SICK! then i get a call from my case manager and guess what? my dr ont lift ip recommendations which means now my therapist prob wont see me! i am so pissed right now!

but guess what? it got my addrenaline rushing and i am so determined - even able to get up and get the computer to the bed and start doing stuff... idk yet maybe even zumba tonight - i am so gonna make this work! although i am sick and dizzy and lightheaded - right now i DONT CARE! its like tis - everyone else gave up on me when i had to make a choice - so guess what? ima SHOW THEM! im gonne be down... my dr apt is the 24th at 940 i have labs the 17th means if i work it right i can deff be under 100 by then! right now 114 - so im down 2 more and im fasting... i REFUSE to give in this time... mia can take a hike ima lose this weight and she doesnt see to wannahelp so fuck her and let ana come back! i will do water and green tea but this weekend will add some protein shakes so the labs come back good and will add some potassium supplements and all the other supplements as well - just to be sure i safe with labs... then after i do the labs - i can lax or whatever i feel the fuck like doing and i just dont care! if noone else cares or elieves in me why the fuck should i? i see no reason so ima do what i want and that means making my goal... first is 110 then 105 next 100 and then 95 yep - lower still i wanna get to 85 and have a bmi of 12.35! ill post more later maybe!
hope everyone else is having a better day and not being fucked like me - this sux... everyone thinks that my life can be fixed by forcing me ip to gain weight when all that does is set me off to lose it again when i get out! WORK ON THE OTHER STUFF then maybe the ed will be better!

I FEEL UR FRUSTRATIONS!!!!

so now it is like 510pm and honestly i am not even craving to b/p i want nothing to do with food or mia - she can take a fucking hike... im tired of her and ana is back - with a vengeance! i have gone 21 days on a fast before - ima beat that! i bet i can - go ahead challenge me! today is officially day 1 and im not giving up!

however - i am still super pissed and things have just gotten worse! now i got my fucking period too! 9 days early! wtf is that!

so now it is like almost 7pm- no mia or b/p in sight - yay! but i am so pissd! swear my life is so unfair right now! i had 16.9oz water then i had a drink a few minutes ago of powerade zero to swallow some water pills - helps keep bloating to a min after lax... anyway i weighed and its up! i am PISSED! this is NOT my day! i want it over RIGHT NOW! so adding to the already shitty day i get my period AND i go back up some! is this never gonna end! wel lets see ive made it through the first day - im not even tempted so i really hope and pray it goes down more tomorrrow... granted its only up a little but any amount up is very very bad in my book and with Ana!

I AM THE SLAVE AND THIS IS MY MASTER - ANA IS HER NAME AND I WILL DO AS SHE COMMANDS! LOSE THE WEIGHT FAT BITCH! YOU DISGUST ME!

guess im just ful of words tonight lol! so it is 735 now and im actually about to go to bed... however i have some pics to add yesterdays 116 - blech and today at 114...its getting there! my chest hurts and my stomach is in a knot...its making all sorts of period gurggly noises - i hate that its so uncomfortable! im scared to see what happens tomorrow with cramps if tonight when it barely started i was already doubled over...looks like maybe another bed day! oh well - i made it through day 1 of my fast!

ME 116 LAYING ON THE BED WITH KNEES UP - DISGUSTING FAT AND STRETCHMARKS! MAKES ME WANNA HURL!

ME 114 THIS AM - I LOOK SO GROSS - I HATE IT! BUT IM GETTING THERE!

SO THIS NEXT ONE IS COMPLETELY RANDOM BUT I LOVE MY KITTY AND HE MADE ME FEEL BETTER!

night ladies - have a good one! i just got a call from the school the boys school will be running 2 hrs late so that means we get to sleep in! whoot whoot!