why is it things never seem to go as planned???

i logged in to fgg lastnight and signed on to do a 100hr fast - i made it all of like 12hrs? at 12pm i ended up bp but its 330 now and im 3.5 hours into trying again! i thought i could make it but things happened (as they always seem to do lately) and the triggers got the best of me... oh well - i will not be defeated!
so this morning took the boys and got haircuts, while they did that i got my nails done in red and i had 2 gold charms put on the ring fingers...i wanted dragonflies but they didnt have any so i settled for butterflies - still pretty i guess just wasnt the aim i was going for...dragonflies being my chosen symbol for ana - i wanted the reminder there but maybe these will do the trick - guess we shall see right?
i also FINALLY went to the bathroom this am! omg - i was litterally FOS! then while i was out - i went again! YAY! so now tomorrow maybe my weight will have some downward change i hope!
i got my final grade for my last class - i did ok but i was really hoping for an A. i am already on academic probation and if i don get the GPA to at least 3.0 this course they will suspend my classes for 6 months... grrr...so it is  2.89 right now - hopefully i can pull an A in the new class ad bring it high enough - it will be a struggle and a challenge but i have to try!
lets see - well i am off to the bookstore to get a few books - i need some insp and motivation and what i have here just isnt working! ill try to post more later if im not too depressed! im making an easy dinner for the boys chicken salads! i baked the chicken lastnight so it is ready just gotta cut and mix the rest then let them serve n eat... i feel good about this - i think the one bp was a fluke and i will be ok now...

well right now it is nearly 6pm... i am about to START my research for my paper and pray i get it done and do it right... so long as i can find some good info i dont think it will be too hard - its only 700 words - thats like a 5min conversation! anyway - so went to the bookstore and i got "wintergirls", "Unbearable lightness", "Speak" and the new Dean Koontz book "What the night knows" with my coupon and discount card and tax it was $49.47 total! not too bad i dont say! yay and now i have my books back to read and reread and hopefully have some motivation, inspiration and time consuming activities!
i decided im too lazy tonight to do even the salads for the boys, i have rice in the fridge already cooked so they are heating that with some chicken and then just some tossed salad with the dressing they choose - they were happier with that anyway...im not feeling so well as my stomach is upset right now so just staying awqay from food all together is a better idea... it always leads to b/p when i feel like this because i can get that feeling out of my stomach and feel the release of whatever is causing the stress and tension...
i got a cold sore starting on my bottom lip - so not cool! i think it is just all the stress with my life and trying to gain some control some where and not finding it - its leading my body to release extra stuff and causing me stomach acid and cold sores - i hope it settles soon... i hate feeling like this and being so totally out of control is the worst thing ever! i always thought i had some control, but looking back and seeing my life - i wonder who had the control - me or my ed? well its time for me to at least take some of that control back! this means starting with the fast and so far well lets see im about hmmm about 6hrs in and so far i feel ok with it still... i even tempted myself with krispy kreme donuts and ice cream on the way home from the bookstore... they are in the kitchen now and the boys can have ice cream for dessert and donuts for breakfast! God knows i dont need em! well ill try to add some pics to this post later - right now i really need to get to work on this paper!