nope not today...

today was not a good day at all... well let me go back a little - lastnight was shitty and it just stayed that way...i had forgotten about my son's meeting so when i remembered and i was so dizzy and lightheaded well its a 45 min drive and i ended up bp - i was cared to drive in the ice and dark.... then we get there and we didnt even stay because the paperwork said it was a $400 deposit for just the interview and if he was not accepted - we didnt get that back! then even more than that it was anotehr $7000 for the trip and then we still had to pay for flights and any funds he may need while there! omg! do they realize peope dont have that kind of money! anyway - i was so upset - it broke his heart he worked hard to earn that invitation and i cant even be a goo enough mom to get the money for something he earned... wish i had just never seen the damn letter at least his heart wouldnt have been broken and the disappointment - it was the worst thing i have ever had to experience... i wanted to cry - instead i binged until i couldnt move and was in so mych physical pain it matched my emotional pain and then i purged it all out...so ya - lastnight ended up shittier than it already was...
i got up this am and did the swf again and boy did it work! omg! i was in and out the bathroom for over an hr! but i got so dehydrated from it i was dizzy and couldnt see straight... my head was pounding and throbbing, my chest hurt and my nose and eyes were dry... i was thirsty as hell and drank 5 water bottles and a 32oz powerade zero in less than half hour! it was bad and now i am BLOATED to hell! however my weight WAS 114 at that time - so it didnt go down? i dont see how as it cleaned me out but w/e... i am doing th flush tonight again after the zumba class and again in the moring - i did not care how sick and dehydrated i get - ill take some precautions such as the potassium and magnesium before i go to the gymn so it wil sink in a bit before my body is cleaned again then i hope i will have the strength and fight in me tomorrow to manage a fast again...

YEP THATS ME!

today well no fast - there was and is no fight... i went to hardees and got biscuits this am - i ate 3 then i also had some donuts from dunkin donuts (dd) and i purged in between then i got some sausage muffins which i ate half the muffin, sausage and cheese from them and purged again... i took a cold shower and some lipo6x then went back to sleep for half hour when the phone messenger started chiming - it was my hubby... at thi time it was 1115 and i decided i wanted to bp again and went to a thai resteraunt where they have a buffet and i ate and purged - i purged in their b/r 3x... then went and got soe more donuts at the g store and ate them on the way home with some unsweet tea and i purged when i got finished... i took 2 more lipo 6x and a diurex... i think i am done bp for today - i dont have the want or energy for more so i really hope that is enough...

YEP IM SUCH A FAILURE - THESE SAY IT ALL!

THIS ONE IS JUST SAD!