im really sorry...

ive let you all down again and myself... maybe i should just give up trying and let mia have her way - maybe i need to change my name? so what happened?
lastnight i went to bed at 8pm as i had said... i was doing ok - i just could not get to sleep! i was laying here tossing and turning and turning and tossing and it was driving me nuts! i finally said fuck it! i got up went downstairs and ate a piece of chicken with bbq and 3 mini crueller donuts and 4 powdered mini donuts with a glass of oj then came back up to my bathroom and purged... i took a shower, weighed and guess what? i was down from before i started the binge... yep mia and her damn head games! so then i came back to bed and tried to sleep - again... i dozed in n out for a bit but had this damn voice nagging in my head finally i caved again! i got up and went donwstairs where i proceeded to b/p agan this time on the new special K cracker chops - the entire box has 385 cals and i ate it with hummus which was approx 400cals plus oj which was about 200cals and some 40cal slices of cheese which i put on top of the crackers and hummus 8 slices so 320cals more...yep about 1305 cal b/p omg! i ran upstairs and purged as much as i could and know what - down some more! i also then took some miralax and came to bed and after about 2 hours more - about 2am i finally fell asleep... when that alarm went off at 6 - i was not ready to wake!

DONUTS ANYONE??

so ya not a good night at all! today idk yet what my plans r - to fast, restrict or b/p first i gotta make it to my dr apt and getting my boys to the bus... after that the day has not been decided... i cant decide because every time i try - i end up failing so i am thinking instead - take it part by part as the day goes by...
finally someone posted in my team and I reposted the team paper when i saw an error on the title page... i am letting him take the bag - im tired of holding it... he said he will post it today this afternoon - i am trusting he will but when i get home from my boys dr apt today - i will just make sure it has posted - i have to cover my grade! i got a 9/12 on the last paper i did - not good... i really needed the full points but thats what i get for submitting it late - thats an auto 1.2pt deduction... my damn punctuation has sucked lately and it caused me to lose the others... hopefully this time i did better with that!

GOTTA RE-CHECK!

ok so here is to no more 1300cal b/p's! i really hope today to tea and water fast - i will lose this weight whether i fast or not though - i dont care how i have to do it as i have already clearly stated and demonstrated... maybe today the dr will tink she has won - but that thought wont last her long!
ill post more later - have a good day all, stay strong AND HANG ON!

PLEASE HOLD ON TIGHT AND STAY STRONG!

THIS IS TO HELP GET US ALL THROUGH!!!!