how many times must a girl fail before she sees success? im hoping its soon because failing day in and day out is not only exhausting and predicatble but also disappointing... id like to be able to feel good about the day rather than dread it and wish it to end...
YA - IT FEELS SOMETHING LIKE THIS!
today began well - late lastnight...i went to bed at 8pm and i was so exhausted i could barely keep my eyes open so i didnt take any melatonin or anything to help me sleep - figured i would be fine on my own... i drifted quite quickly into a hard slumber suddenly - i was awake looking at the clock - 1111pm... im not sure what woke me - a noise? a dream? im not sure - but i was awake and there was nothing helping me go back to sleep... grrrr...ive pretty much been awake since... 6am lets try some coffee...
THIS IS THE COFFEE I AM USING RIGHT NOW - NOT TOO BAD BLAC WITH SOME SPLENDA BUT IF I HAD ALMOND MILK WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER!
so lets look back before that...last thing i posted was my son had to go to the dr - well first we went to cici's pizza for lunch where i b/p on pizza and salad to my heart's content - or rather my stomach's... i purged and there wa so much acid, it felt so good to get that out... then we dropped my oldest son back home as he had homework - i was frustrated he had homework wiht exams but i dont make the rules or assignments so whatever... we got to the urgent care place - one we have never been too before and is like 5min from our house so yay... wrong! the time we sat there waiting was REDICULOUS! we finally got in, seen diagnosis - bronchitis great... prescription and lets go get these filledbefore post pharmacy closes! get to the pharmacy - they fill one, but just great - dont carry the other... oh well guess we will get filled off base somehow... one minute - what was that? he is allergic to zithromax and this is basically the same thing so he needs a different prescription?! well the clinic is closed - great! so we come home - i made eggs, bacon, waffles with pb and oj... i eat then purge all the triggers and frustrations away... im exhausted and just collapse in the bed at 8 - forget a shower ill do that in the morning... i will call the dr in the morning and try to get him seen at the regular clinic... i need a vacation!
so yep - this morning got up and took the other 2 to the bus then called the clinic where i had to leave a message and wait for the nurse to call back... she called around 830 and said there was a 10am available did i wanna come then - yes! please! i need to get this boy his medication! so i climbed in the shower washed up quick plugged the drain and sat with the water streaming down on me filling the tub... when it was full i turned it off and just layed in there... i finally got out, got dressed and we left to the dr... got there at 945 as required (15 min early per clinic requirements), checked in then it was more waiting... we finally got pulled to the back, vitals done and again waiting... tis boy is driving me mad! he is so hyper and im so tired! where does he find the energy in his sickness to be so off the wall! i blame it on the ADHD and the fact he is probably as exhausted as me thus this is how he is reacting - that and i didnt give him his ADHD medication...finally the dr comes in, talks to the boy and me and prescribes him a new medication as well as an asthma inhaler chamber... now the inhaler will be more effective...he apologizes for the experience at the clinic lastnight- well it wasnt his fault, but thank you... and finally we go get the number to - yep u guessed it - wait some more! waiting at the pharmacy for the medication we ave only 5 numbers ahead of us - but the thing with a military pharmacy is there are letters A,B,C,D and each type of patient falls under one of the categories - for example an active duty soldier in uniform is in category A where we are dependatns so we are category B. When u get your number it is not always first come first serve - meaning although we may have been there first - if a soldier gets a number after us they can still be called before us... so ya - we had 5 in our caegory, not to say how many in any others as we are only given the one ticket... we left and came home - we got here at noon... so ya in all the wait times were killer!... i made some fries and toquitos for lunch which of course was a huge binge fest for me - and now i am just so drained and exhausted... i layed down around 2 and i got up at 4ish to start this post...im feeling really sluggish and i need something to get me going im just not sure what that is? i still have to make dinner and my boys are already asking im making tacos so they will be happy and im gonna try notto eat but idk if i will or not... i dont really have the willpower or fight in me right now if the cravings and urges begin - to stop myself so i guess we shall see... additionally i drank a huge 20oz tumbler of black coffee this am to try to jump start this damn digestive system of mine and nothing - still! i had miralax, chia seed, benefiber, psyllium husk, and coffee - nothing is working and i feel so bloated! grrr!!!!
as for my class - what a way to start! i have not even done my dq yet as i was in the middle of it yesterday when we left for the dr and never was back online - this is the first time back on here since so i also have some catching up to do!
here is a pic i took to add the other day - i apologize i did not add it... i believe weight was 114
THERE IS SOME HIPBONE SHOWING...
maybe ill post more later - will see - right now i gotta go get some dinner cooking for these kids!
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