update!

so as i was posting - i got a phone call.. i hate the phone and never hardly answer but i knew the number was the therapist so i answered it... she scheduled me an apt for thursday at 1030am as long as i sign a contract to follow all treatment plans goals etc... well i told her i am not sure i can sign as my dr still wants me to go ip... she said she will schedule me in anyway and then call my dr and see what she says - please keep all fingers toes arms legs etc crossed she will tell her to see me and will not recommend hospital! i really need to see my therapist again... i have been so lost without her and i feel so alone... i canot even tell my emotions anymore unless i am trying to just become numb to ignore it all... anyway - so ya thats what happend!
oh i also made a poster - been saying i was going to do it and finally did! im going to put it up above my desk to reind me i must reach my goal before another person - a personal competition!